Keep Calm and Carry On? Not So Fast!

  Hi, kids! I see a lot of t-shirts, posters and memes with the phrase "Keep Calm and Carry On." You've probably seen them too. The message is clear-when times are hard, keep your emotions in check and keep moving on.

Sometimes this is useful advice. The message comes from a 1939 poster that the British government produced to boost the morale of its country's people. A war was coming, and it was a scary time. Showing calm and a determination to carry on gave people a common goal and helped to promote unity during a very trying time. 

But there are times in our grief when we need to do more than just "keep calm and carry on." When waves of sadness, anger or guilt crash into us, our brain, heart and body may feel out of sorts-not calm at all. And that's okay. The thoughts and emotions that come with grief can be intense. They speak to the strength of the love you had for the person who died. Life is different without them, and it isn't really possible to carry on as if nothing has happened. So what do we do? 

Instead of trying to simply keep calm and carry on through grief, let yourself feel everything that bubbles up, even if it is messy. If you need to yell, let out a nice scream-into a pillow is always good. If you need to cry, grab a box of tissues and let the tears flow. If you have pent up energy that needs a place to go, punch a pillow or throw water balloons against the sidewalk with a shout and watch them burst (remember to pick up the pieces when you're all finished). These actions gives us a way to express what we're feeling rather than trying to keep it inside. You or the people in your life might have some other ideas, too. And always remember to let someone know if you have feelings that seem overwhelming or too much to handle on your own.

You have the right to feel your pain and to give it a voice. Doing that can help soften your grief, and when you've gotten out some of those BIG feelings, you may feel again like you really can "keep calm and carrying on." 

Keep Calm and Carry On? Not So Fast! was penned for the August, 2021 Hospice of the Western Reserve blog page. 

A New Understanding: processing Grief through Writing

 

 "Being able to reflect on a loss through writing may allow you a safe and healthy way to process and adjust to your grief journey." 

Throughout my life, I have always been a journaler. Once or twice a day in high school and college, I would open my journal and take stock of my day. Random musings, snippets of poetry, or the play-by-play of daily events may come up. But most importantly, this world of written words was my space to reflect on complex emotions, even those I could not fully explain or understand. 

Within grief, we may find it hard to verbalize everything we're experiencing. There may be times when writing something down-something you can come back to and reflect on-can be just as helpful as talking to someone about it. Experts in the field of writing and writing theory suggest  that the act of writing can allow the writer to produce new ideas and increase awareness. According to the philosopher Paul Ricoeur, "to narrate is to reflect on events and, in the story, a pattern of understanding is formed based on one's own experiences. This interweaving may yield new insights and new stories and create coherence in life that allows the individual to adapt to an altered life situation."  Being able to reflect on a loss through writing may allow you a safe and healthy way to process and adjust to your grief journey. 

There are various forms of writing that can be used to cultivate a daily writing practice:

Structured writing: This can include using writing prompts or doing a specific project like writing a letter to your loved one who died. Examples of prompts that may spark you to write include:

• "Today, I miss," "Today, I remembered...," "If I could say something to you, I would say..."
• "What feelings am I looking forward to? What feelings do I want to leave behind?" 
• "Here are five ways I can be compassionate with myself today..."

Free writing: Free writing is typically writing without a prompt or goal in mind-just writing intuitively. The idea of free writing can be intimidating, but it can be an incredibly restorative practice. Free writing asks you to write continuously, without concern for grammar, punctuation, or spelling. It asks that you don't cross out anything and don't let your inner editor try to control what you're writing. Try writing down the first thoughts running through your head in the morning and continue writing. Keep your hand moving and try not to pause to read what you just wrote, as that can unleash that inner editor. 

No matter how you decide to give writing a try, know that it can be a safe space just for you, to express your grief in whatever way you need to. 

A New Understanding: Processing Grief through Writing was penned by Sarah McIntosh, MSSA, LSW for Hospice of the Western Reserve's About Grief, Summer, 2023. You can read a condensed version of this article in our Summer, 2023 New Horizons newsletter. 

Fall, 2022 Support Groups-Hospice of the Western Reserve

 

Below, we have provided you with a list of Hospice of the Western Reserve support groups for Fall, 2022. For additional information on any of the grief support groups listed, please contact the facilitator listed for each program